Anxiety Anxiety Anxiety

Since when did this start to take over my life? It's so frustrating. I worry about everything. EVERYTHING. Sometimes to the point where I am physically sick. Stupid things too. I was close to backing out of the retreat I'm serving on this weekend because I was worried about the drive up and back and I don't like my mom being alone all weekend. Never been so sad about my mom leaving for work. I won't see her until Sunday night, but it's okay. I will see her Sunday. She will be fine. I will be fine. One of my favorite verses:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

Sometimes it's hard to remember this verse and actually go by it. I know I am in God's hands. That's what I have to just keep telling myself. Why worry when it is all in God's control? It's pointless.

Completely

Seriously, today was full of emotion, blessings, and direction. It's border line overwhelming. God is SO amazing and mighty and nothing is impossible for Him. That seems obvious to some and I knew that, but now I'm meditating on it more. I'm not having a single doubt in my mind that He can fix everything. Pray for the impossible. In God's will, that's when your prayers will be answered. I'm just so in awe right now, I can barely type.

I used to doubt that God will provide answers for me with whatever I was going through at the time. not anymore. Why did I doubt? It says in the bible nothing is impossible for Him. Over time I was struggling with the High school group. I was hoping for answers on what to do, but not crying out, with my whole entire heart. Not with everything I am. I didn't trust He was going to do much, until one night of worship, I was completely humbled by His power and grace. I completely gave all my problems over to the Lord, and guess what...that same night I felt called out of the High School and into the main sanctuary as well as leading worship for Jr. High. I didn't question it because it sounded pretty good to me.

Those couple nights of being in the main sanctuary, I felt like I was being filled by the Holy Spirit like never before. It was such a blessing and I felt like I was being called to do more, but wasn't sure what else to do. Just being able to sit still and think about the HS group and everything that happened and clarify all my answers, gave me time to sit still and know that He is God. He. is. God. Obey. Listen. Be humble. All these things flying through my mind. I look back on leaving HS and do not regret it AT ALL. I am just so glad I listened to the Lord. I am so glad that He brought me into the lives of my friends. Friends who encourage me, support me, and plug in their wisdom. To sum everything up...blessed. That's totally what I am.

I am just so incredibly humbled by today and all the direction the Lord is giving me. So humbled.

Should I Pray with Her?

The other night during worship I went to the back of the room with my communion and just set myself to be alone with God. This person who has been pretty distant from me lately sat down pretty close to me and I was struggling with the decision to pray with her or not. I felt like I should be there to encourage even though I have felt put down by her so much. I didn't know what to do because she never reaches out to me.

I decided not to do anything about it. If she wanted to pray she would come to me. That was my mentality. I thought about it and looking back, I should have prayed with her. Obviously God was calling me to pray with her. No matter what someone does to me, I should be there for them.

Prized Possession

The other night I was listening to this monologue someone did. It was rather long, so my attention started to drift away from the message. I started to just daydream about everything going on in my life and I was totally spaced out by that time. All of a sudden in the monologue I hear him say "You are God's prized possession."

That just hit me hard. I knew He loves me and He created me and everything, but to hear that really just made me come to the realization of how much He loves me and how much He wants me to glorify Him. How much it hurts God when His prized possession wanders off from Him and stops talking to Him. It was really encouraging and I thought I would share it with you. : )

Where am I going?

This question. Eating at me constantly. As I sit here meditating on it. Seeking answers. Lord, please give me direction. Why is this driving me crazy? Why can't I be at peace with it? I'm so young. Too young to be worrying about this perhaps? Why there? Is there something I'm not seeing? Is there something I am meant to do in this city? Or is it just my mind leading me to think I am supposed to be there? How would I do it? Am I too young to be planning this? What should I do? Could I do this? Why is this kinda extremely heavy on my heart? Where do I go from here? What are the next steps?

There's Something in the Water

Nights of prayer and worship are always such a blessing. A good chance to just be able to humble yourself at His feet, pray with others and just think where the Lord is leading you in your life. Saturday was one of those nights and it was awesome to be able to just sit alone with God. Thinking things through asking for guidance most of the night, it brought me into such a humble state of mind and I just felt like God was speaking directly to me through the word. I LOVE it when you need guidance and you open your bible right to the perfect verse! The Lord works in amazing ways.

As the night was starting to come to an end and the worship team were playing their last few songs, it hit me so clearly. For a while now, I have been 'searching' if you will, for something to in a way 're-new' my faith. Because this past year is really when I came close to God. This year has been a year of trials, blessings, and a year of growing in Him. I have never took my faith seriously. I always went to church and was really involved in the youth group and everything but was always secretly thinking in my head, "I can't wait for service to be over so I can socialize." That was always my mind set at church. I have always connected to God the most in worship and that was the only thing keeping me going on the right track back then although of course my relationship with God could have been a million times better. I am so thankful He gave me the desire to be close to Him.

It came into my head, I could get rebaptized. I know I am saved, but I wanted to publically show I am serious now about my faith. I got baptized when I was either 8 or 9. I did because my mom and sister were doing it but I really had no clue what it was about. I knew you got dunked under water and came out 'new'. That's about it. This time, it's something I feel God has put on my heart instead of following my family. I was meditating on this verse:
‘And now why do you wait? Rise and be baptized and wash away your sins, calling on his name.’ Act 22:16

It's pretty heavy on my heart. I'm praying about it and seeing what He wants.